


Normality

by barryolivers



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Asexual Barry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Name-Calling, Panic Attacks, asexual barry allen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 14:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3175680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barryolivers/pseuds/barryolivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry wasn't quite sure when these feelings emerged. Or the <i> feeling. </i> The lack of sexual attraction, and interest in sex. He wasn't quite sure why he felt this way, either. Barry thought there must be a reason, as everyone else he knew had an interest in sex and he presumed they got sexually attracted as well. He didn't like to think too much about it though, because everytime he did, his palms sweated and hands shook as his chest tightened. </p>
<p>However, today was one of those days where he couldn't stop himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Normality

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Panic attacks, name calling (self), mentioned implied suicide. Not really detailed, however. Just a prior warning for anyone that may be triggered by that. PLEASE tell me if there's anything else, as this is a sensitive topic and I may have missed something. Love you all.

Barry wasn't quite sure when these feelings emerged. Or the _feeling._ The lack of sexual attraction, and interest in sex. He wasn't quite sure why he felt this way, either. Barry thought there must be a reason, as everyone else he knew had an interest in sex and he presumed they got sexually attracted as well. He didn't like to think too much about it though, because everytime he did, his palms sweated and hands shook as his chest tightened. 

However, today was one of those days where he couldn't stop himself. 

 

Barry had been in the lab, as usual, going through samples and things for the latest case when it happened. He wasn't sure what triggered it, and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to calm himself down before anyone came in. (Which didn't help.) 

"Get it together, Barry." He breathed to himself as he put the sample down with shaking hands. "It's okay. Don't think--" He swallowed thickly, focussing on the computer and trying to ignore the tightening of his chest. "Just focus on something. Don't focus on-- Oh Jesus." The thoughts crept into his mind again. His breath quickened slightly. 

"Hey, Bar. Joe sent me-" 

The voice was muffled as though it was underwater, and Barry brought his attention to the man at the door. "Hey, Eddie." He said, focussing on slowing his breathing and trying to make it seem as though he was alright, and not as though he was about to break. 

"Bar?" Eddie's voice was laced with worry and concern, and Barry just wanted to slap himself now. "What's wrong?" Barry noted the plastic packet in Eddies hand, presumably full of yet another sample. With shaking legs, Barry walked over to get them. 

"What? Nothing." Barry let out a nervous laugh, it shaking with the lack of air and nervousness. "I'm fine." His chest became tighter as the thoughts crept in his mind again. He pushed them back, but that made it worse. 

"No." Eddie's voice was hard, and yet there was a soft edge to it. He placed the bag down on the shelf, and Barry watched, focussing on that. Anything to distract him. "You're not." Eddie came a step closer to Barry, and Barry took a step back, crashing into the desk behind him with a hiss. 

"I'm a freak." Barry breathed, dropping his head. "I'm a freak and weird and I don't understand what the hell is wrong with me and I should know but I don't and that annoys me but it also doesn't because you know--" His chest was heaving now, and he was breathing so fast he couldn't get his words out. 

There were hands on his biceps, bringing him from the headspace he was putting himself into. "Barry." Eddie's voice was softer now, the edge still hard, a near opposite to the tone he had been using before. The hands guided his shoulders (and therefore Barry) to sit in the chair. It was a slight haze and before he knew it, Barry was sitting on the desk chair with Eddies hand on his knee in a comforting way. "You're not that at all." 

A part of Barry wanted to laugh at Eddie, he means, the man knows nothing about what's going on in his mind, and yet he's trying to give him the reassurance that it's okay. Whatever _it_ is. "Yes I am." Barry brought himself to look at Eddie, and saw the man staring at him with an expression of confusion and concern. Eddie was also squatting in front of him. 

Eddie shook his head. "What's making you say that? Or is it a someone?" Barry had never seen Eddie so damn serious. Aside from when he was working, Eddie was never as serious as he was now.

"Me. I'm saying that. Because it's true. I don't get... Attracted to people, and that's weird." Barry rushed out, dropping his head again. 

"Bar." Eddie's voice was hardening again, and it was stern. "That's not weird. Or freaky. Or whatever you're telling yourself it is." Eddie spoke as though what he was saying was the truth and nothing but. A part of Barry believed him. 

"It is. I see all these people talking about all these people they like, all these people they want to have sex with and all these people they _have_ had sex with, and I'm sitting there like, 'that's nice. But not for me.' And you can't stand there and tell me I'm not weird for that."

Eddie sighed, not a sigh that was done, but a sigh that told Barry he was wrong in a million and one ways. "I have a friend." Eddie began, swallowing thickly. "Or I had a friend. Who was the exact same as you." Barry had looked to Eddie when he said 'had', to see the other man looking down at the hand that was on Barry's knee. "Or I presume. They didn't get sexually attracted, or anyway attracted to anyone."

"I get attracted to people. Just not-- a sexual way. Like a way that makes me just wanna cuddle them and shit and watch crappy movies with them. You know? But keep the genitals away." 

Eddie smiled softly, and looked at Barry, who was still looking at him. "Yeah. They were kinda the same. But they, unlike you, had no one to assure them that it was normal. And it is, Bar. It is _completely_ normal to feel like you do. Just as it's completely normal to experience sexual attraction." He paused. "It's called asexuality. You can probably guess what it means. At the time of knowing this person, I, like them, knew nothing about this. I was only taught that there was three sexualities. Straight, gay, bi. Like most people are. Except there's not. There's a whole _range_ of different sexualities, all just as valid as the three you're taught. But like I said, said friend had no idea about these. And they'd worked themselves up into frenzies, having panic attacks to the extend where they had to quit work. They'd told themselves and told themselves that they weren't normal. And so, I went and researched it. Found out about all the different ones, and the day I went to the them, was the day they couldn't handle it anymore." Eddie inhaled through his nose, swallowing thickly. "I know you feel like this has no meaning-- but, it does. They meant a lot to me, as _you_ mean a lot to me. And I don't want you to keep telling yourself that you're all these bad things. You're not.

"I have files and files on everything you need to know back and home, and I can bring them in. Just-- please. Stop telling yourself you're a freak. Because this is normal. You're still you." 

Barry wasn't sure when he started crying, not with sadness or anything bad, just because someone had _accepted_ him, but he was almost sobbing when he wrapped his arms around Eddie and whispered 'I'd like that.'

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. Boop. If you feel as though you may be asexual, which is perfectly normal, it is worth a look into! My ask is always open, though, if you wanna drop me a message there I'm alright with it! [ Tumblr. ](http://www.barryolivers.tumblr.com)


End file.
